I believe it was Plato that said, “The beginning is the most important part of the work.” The beginning is when the foundation is built. This blog is the beginning of me asserting my own desire to build my life around what I LOVE, which is why these meagre blog beginnings are filtering out of me slowly, slowly. There is so much to consider about authentic habitual wellness, so much that I want to share in hopes of giving value to others’ lives. But before I start throwing information on here, I want to be sure I am setting the foundation in a way that will encourage not only the growth of this blog, but of myself and anyone who stumbles upon this space. These first 8 posts are really the platforms from which I wish to jump beyond myself into a space that creates something bigger than my Self. I see this space as being an online educational portal full of tips and tricks which I have acquired over the years which have helped me get to a place where I finally feel like the authentic “me.”
As the story goes, I had suffered from chronic pain throughout my teens, which came to a head in my 20’s with a low back herniation. I fought the good fight by choosing the road less travelled by. I looked to the physician within instead of listening to the so-called experts outside. I turned to my own healing hands, care of loved ones and many many insights from respected authors to get my mind and body united on a path where I could walk upright again, pain-free in my own skin.
At age 28, I finally feel as though I am living according to my values, and the chronic pains of body and mind have dissipated. I find myself again taking the road less travelled. The only way I can imagine building my life around the things that I love is by writing, by reflecting, by creating and sharing. These interests are a perfect fit for the Blog world. But as I take a look around cyberspace, I am in awe of the inspired Blog sites I’ve seen. So much talent and audacity already out there in the world, it’s almost enough to make me doubt these very small, personal beginnings. But not enough doubt to stop me from trying! I can see the big picture of all that I wish to share in this space, but like Ansel Adams said: “There is nothing worse that a sharp image of a fuzzy concept.” At this point I am stumbling in the dark to learn how to make a website and an online presence. So truly I appreciate your support and patience as I endeavor to create this Blog space into an educational and inspirational force for connecting with people who are on their own journey of going within to seek wellness.
As a healer, I intuitively know how help others feel better in their own skin, but for years this external focus of healing others was in detriment to myself. I uncovered truths about myself that seem so darn foolish now. When my back was injured, I was working as a Massage Therapist and even after 4 years of practice in healing others, I was still trying to help everyone without ever reflecting upon what it was that truly made me feel better. My actions were fuelled by a desire for security, but after the injury left me unable to walk or sleep, I found that no matter how many pain-killers I took before working as a massage therapist, I still suffered the whole day long. I couldn’t stand straight, I was restless and depressed and still I was more concerned that massage made the client feel better … no regard for my own wellbeing. This was the beginning of the end of the Martyr Syndrome I had unconsciously held onto. Somewhere inside I believed that if I could make someone else feel good, I in turn would be relieved of my suffering. Oh, how backwards it all sounds now. But at the time I was sure that pushing forward and being ‘strong’ was the way to salvation.
A gruelling 2 years of constant chronic pain taught me the value of letting go of the illusory security upon which I had built my life. When I was finally forced to look into my heart, (because I could no longer even walk to escape my self) I found the key to what truly energizes me – solitude. I began building my life around the things that I have always loved, books, writing, crafting, creating, touching, and reflecting; sprinkled lightly with people who only lift me higher. The hermit phase has seemed to last a very long time, but in actuality, it took those three years of solitude to catch up on all the inner work that I had missed by rushing to help everyone I cared about instead of myself.
I still maintain the belief that if I could hug the whole world, I would. My arms are long, but not long enough to care for everyone the way I wish I could. So here, in this blog, is where I devote my life to exploring what it means to truly care for myself. To habitually choose wellness. Not the wellness that’s been shown on TV or in magazines, but what authentically feels right to me.
In those years of chronic suffering, I kept running from the truth that I knew; which was that I had created that sad reality for myself by not choosing my own wellness first. And so I now choose to fill my reality with nothing but positive possibilities. All the time I’ve spent filling up my own proverbial cup, now flows over with genuine care and concern for all of you, my brothers and sisters, who at one time or another have found yourselves suffering in your own ways. The only difference is, I now know that I cannot open the door of healing for anyone but myself. But I sure can share the keys that worked for me! Others who shared their keys to wellness are what helped me go beyond survival to Essential Existence!
I wish for each of you to find what authentically makes you feel good, and the only way that I can be the change I want to see is to share these authentic parts of me. We are building up to including videos on Movement and Creation and Touch and Nutrition — COMING SOON! Until then, be well.